Comments (10) | Hearts (1)

• 
  adam says:
  We ran into a bit of a wall with this one. How about some wider collaboration...any suggestions for a better ending?

  Posted 32 months ago (Permalink)
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  Betty says:
  Super story. It was so exciting.

  Posted 32 months ago (Permalink)
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  kaye says:
  I think it ends just fine! The only thing you might want to take out is the part where she starts walking - it doesn't make sense with the ending :)

  Posted 32 months ago (Permalink)
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  kendicott says:
  I agree with Kaye, what do you think Adam?

  Posted 32 months ago (Permalink)
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  adam says:
  Yep, I agree. I changed it a bit.

  Posted 32 months ago (Permalink)
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  kendicott says:
  Thanks everyone, I like that much better. Good job Adam.

  Posted 32 months ago (Permalink)
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  mark says:
  I didn't read the original. But I like the way it flows now. Good moral. Must remember for myself...

  Posted 32 months ago (Permalink)
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  FogCat says:
  This is excellent! It flows smoothly, the repetition is nice, and I like how you've incorporated the moral. Great work!
  -Foggie

  Posted 22 months ago (Permalink)
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  SHASHA says:
  I did not read the first but it flowed nicely.I liked the moral you had inside the story.

  Posted 17 months ago (Permalink)
• 
  
  figment68 hearted this

  hearted 5 months ago
• 
  figment68 says:
  Love it!

  Posted 5 months ago (Permalink)

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