The definition of normal changed that day
Away From The Light
~No One Ever Told Me that Grief Felt So Much Like Fear~
Some days I feel like I could just disappear and no one would even notice.
Other days I could probably stay up in my room all day and everyone would worry about me.
‘’Is he sick?’’
‘’Do you think he’s still in that process?’’
‘’When do you think he’ll start talking again?’’
I pressed my knees to my chest and glanced at the plate full of food next to me. It didn’t look so good.
‘’Matt?’’ Rachel knocked on the door.
I reached over and rapped on the wall three times which meant: You can come.
‘’I have your medicine,’’ she held it up.
I made a face and turned away. I didn’t like the pills.
They made me feel something. And I hated that feeling.
‘’The doctors said it’ll help you feel happier. You’ll get tired a lot though..’’ Rachel tried to smile.
I took the pill bottle from her and glanced at the paper plastered on it’s side.
Matthew Daniels. Assigned on the eighth. For: Clinical Depression.
‘’Here, so you don’t get addicted like those crazy guys.’’ Rachel took it from me and pressed three of them into my hand.
I put them on my tongue and quickly swallowed. It didn’t taste like much, only dirt.
‘’Good job Matty,’’ she stood up.
I wonder if I had morphed into some kind of dog.
Rachel clutched the pills but I reached out for them. If I just took maybe four more of them.
Then everything would turn all fuzzy and black. And I wouldn’t have to ever talk again.
Talk about what happened.
‘’No!’’ her voice shook.
Rachel stared at me with eyes full of shock. Why was she so surprised anyway?
‘’Mom!’’ she screamed.
‘’What? What is it? Did he talk?’’ Mom busted into my room.
‘’No..he he wanted to take more pills,’’ Rachel said in a small voice.
‘’Oh..Oh my,’’ Mom’s face turned dark.
I turned over in my bed and yanked my comforter over my head.
It was so nice and dark under there, the cover fluffing over my face. I liked it, there was no noise, no crying.
No light.
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