Dear Ally
Letter no. 1
Dear Ally,
I’m writing this to you because it’s been a exactly a year since you passed away. The therapist I’ve been seeing, Mr. Thorton, thinks that this is a good way to deal with my grief. So now, you’re getting one of these every single week. Are you able to read these up in heaven? Assuming there is a heaven; no one knows where you go after life. The ancient Egyptians believed that your soul was weighed against a feather, to see it you were good or bad, the Greeks believed that you crossed the river Styx, and ended up in the fields of asphodel, the fields of punishment, or Elysium. Any one of these could be right. I wish you could tell me which one is. Are you even able to read these letters I’m sending you? I don’t know, but I’m going to keep writing them to you.
Anyways, Mr. Thorton also told me to talk about what’s going on with school, family and friends, to help me deal with that. Since you’ve been gone, Ally, my life has definitely taken a turn for the worst. Mom and Dad seem to agree, They talk in hushed voices when they think I’m not around, and when they see me perched upon the sofa, they stop talking altogether, and plaster smiles on their faces. And they sent me to see Mr. Thorton, which sometimes I don’t mind. He’s a nice guy, though he can be frustrating at times. He always tells me to ‘talk about my feelings’ and ‘not to be scared’ I’m not, I just don’t always feel like sharing my secrets with a balding man in his late fifties!
Sometimes I feel like there’s a whirlwind inside me. It keeps spinning me around, unable to let go, but it’s a whirlwind of pain. Everything that’s happened is swirling inside me. Sometimes I feel like I need to let it out somehow, to dull the pain inside, to feel the crimson liquid seep down my arms, but I never do. I feel as though it would betray you. If you were here, you would cry and tell me that you loved me too much for me to do that. So I don’t.
I miss you with all my heart, Ally
Love Elle
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