She caught herself grabbing an umbrella and headed outside. Her mind had gone away for a while and she could’t even remember grabbing her coat or putting on some shoes. She shrugged as she closed the door behind her. She began walking under the rain with no direction, she just needed to wonder around. The lights of the city were blurred and she realized she was crying. It’s amazing how something that brings joy can make you incredibly sad at the same time.
She kept on walking, lost inside her thoughts, without really noticing where she was going. She ended up at the park by the river, she sat down and closed the umbrella, allowing the rain to wash away the tears on her face. She though about how it must be to feel loved, but she dismissed the thought almost immediately, she was loved. Just not as she wanted.
It had been a while since she had admitted to herself that she longed for a romance, like the ones on the books she likes to read. That is somewhat off character, she thought. People have this idea of a strong woman who is doing all right by herself. That if there is someone who is good at being single, that’s her. She heard that constantly, so she began to believe it. Maybe they were right and being single was her thing.
She felt another tear slipping down her cheek, and tried to wipe it off but she was soaking wet from the rain. She laughed at the absurdity of her action and closed her eyes.
It’s not like you are unhappy. It’s not like no one cares. But then why are you so anguished?
You’ll miss him, wont you? Your partner in crime, your companion of solitude.
But then aren’t you happy for him? Of course you are! So stop this nonsense.
But she couldn’t. This was not about feeling mad at him, or in love with him. This was about her. About having another reminder that again, she hadn’t found anyone brave enough to love her, to want to be with her and share stupid memories together.
She shook her head, stood up and began walking back home. She allowed herself to get lost on her sorrow one last time, and without her even noticing she was back home. She froze with her hand on the doorknob.
Enough. As soon as you walk through that door the pity party is over.
She was about to walk in when she felt her phone ring. She looked at the screen and there was a text. A single line that made her forget her grieving.