have you ever met a cupid? Me neither.
Lesson in Life #1: Don’t trust idiots who fall from the sky!
“If a kid wearing a dress and a quiver of arrows falls from the sky, run away as fast as you can.”
...Said no person ever.
Which is why, when a kid wearing a dress and a quiver of arrows fell from the sky, I ran towards him.
Stupidest thing I’ve ever done, really.
Seeing as he had his eyes shut and seemed to be asleep, I probably could have left right then and there.
But no-o-o, I had to go and wake him up.
Second stupidest thing I’ve ever done, really.
“Hello?” I asked, bending over him. “Are you okay?”
Dumb question. If someone falls from the sky and lands on the ground unconscious, then they are very clearly not okay.
However, this kid seemed to be.
“Hello,” he replied, blinking open a pair of bright blue eyes. “Who are you?”
“Beatrice Troubleby,” I said.
Because when a strange boy in a dress falls from the sky, the first thing you do is give him your name.
At least I didn’t tell him where I lived?
Oh wait.
Yes I did.
“Are you sure you’re okay? My house is just around the corner, and I can call someone if you need anything.”
The boy blinked, and tried to sit up, his shaggy black hair falling in his eyes. “Whoa,” he said, ignoring all of what I’d just said. “Does Earth normally spin like this?”
“Um- I think I’d better call an ambulance,” I said. He probably had a concussion at the very least.
“No!” He shut his eyes and opened them again. “I’m fine.”
He put his hands underneath him as if to stand up.
“I don’t think you should- Wait, are those wings?” I was really not sure how I hadn’t seen the huge, white feathery things on his back before.
He pushed himself to his feet, only swaying for a second, then grinned at me. “Yeah. So?” He spread them, and began to straighten the feathers, shooting little side glances at me the whole time.
“Show-off,” I muttered, but I had to admit his wings were kinda impressive. “They can’t be real.”
“They are. So, Trixie-“
“Beatrice,” I said.
“Same thing. Anyway, you said your house was nearby? I could really do with a drink. And some food. Oh, and if you have a TV, I like those too.”
“You want to go to my house, eat my food and watch TV?”
He looked at me. “What else am I supposed to do?”
“You can’t just go into someone’s house and watch TV!”
“Why not?”
“For starters, it’s rude. You have to be invited into someone’s house before you can go inside. And-“
“You did invite me. See, now we can go.”
“I did not! Why would I invite some thirteen year old kid over, when I don’t even know your name?”
He puffed up angrily. “For your information, I’m not thirteen! I’m three hundred and forty-four! But I look seventeen.”
“A: you do not look seventeen, and B: You can’t possibly be three hundred and forty-four! It’s impossible!”
“Is not. Anyway, my name is Michelle and you did invite me over. You said ‘My house is just around the corner if you need anything’. And I need something. Can we go now?”
I laughed. “Isn’t Michelle a girl’s name?”
No! It’s my name. It means ‘Handsome Love God’.”
I snorted. “No it doesn’t. You’re making that up.”
“Am not!”
“Are too.”
“Am not!”
“Are too.”
“Am not.”
“Are too times infinity.”
“Am not times infinity plus one. It’s not like you’re any better off either, Trixie Troubleby.
“It’s Beatrice.” I scowled. “And infinity plus one is as impossible as your ‘age’, so I win.” With that, I put my nose in the air and walked off.
When I got home, and no sooner than I’d collapsed on the couch, I heard a knocking on the door. With a sigh, I got up to answer it.
“You?!” I said in disbelief.
“Me,” said Michelle, standing on my doorstep in all his shaggy haired and white winged glory.
“You followed me home, didn’t you,” I said accusingly.
“Yes,” said Michelle, and barged past me.
“Hey, you can’t just-“
“Isn’t there anything good on?” he complained, grabbing the remote and flipping through the channels.
“Of course not, it’s three pm! And give me that!” I made a grab for the remote.
He knocked my hand away with the tip of his wing, not looking away from the TV. “I’m using it!”
I glared at the back of his head for a second, then marched over to the TV, unplugging it. “And now you’re not.”
“No fair,” he complained.
“It’s my TV!”
“But I was watching it!”
“And now you’re not,” I say again.
“Spoilsport,” Michelle muttered. He got up, heading for the door. I opened it, and gestured for him to leave.
He walked right past me, into the kitchen.
“Hey Trixie, got any Nutella?” He started rummaging through the cupboard.
I shut the door and hurried over before he did any damage. “It’s Beatrice. Stop that!”
“Found it!” he exclaimed triumphantly. He grabbed a spoon and went back to sit on the couch with the jar of Nutella.
“It’s mine!” I complained. “You can’t just eat it!”
“Why not?” he asked around a mouthful of Nutella. “You weren’t.”
“So? You still can’t just go and eat it like that!”
“Well I am, so there.”
I sighed, and leaned my forehead against the wall. “What are you even doing?”
Michelle looked at me, surprised. “Eating Nutella. Didn’t we just go over this?”
“No, I mean in general! You just fell from the sky, wearing a dress, a quiver of arrows, and wings- I’m still not convinced those are real, by the way- and followed me around. Why?”
“Well,” he started. “It’s a robe, not a dress. The wings are real. So are the arrows. And I’m following you around because it’s my first mission and nobody told me what to do, but you spoke to me, so it must be something to do with you.”
“Looks like a dress to me. And the wings are totally fake. What do you mean by mission? And can’t you just go talk to someone else? Why me?”
“Cupid mission,” Michelle said matter-of-factly, licking the spoon of Nutella. “And you’re the only one who can see me, so how could I talk to someone else?”
Cupid mission? I’m going crazy. And I’m supposedly the only one who can see you. I’m definitely going crazy.”
“You’re no crazier than I am.”
“Not saying much,” I snorted.
“The reason only you can see me is because Cupids are normally invisible to humans. My mission is to help someone fall in love, and because you can see me, it must be you.”
“Oh, great. Listen, I don’t need help falling in love. Heck, I don’t even want to fall in love. So you can just go back to Cupidland- or wherever you came from- and leave me alone!”
“I can’t go back until my mission is complete,” Michelle said, now scraping the jar. “So you can either cooperate and make it easy- or we can do it the hard way.”
“Option three, no way!”
Michelle licked the spoon one last time, and set the Nutella jar on the table. “Looks like it’s the hard way then.”
He snapped his fingers, and a dining chair flew into the back of my knees, making me collapse into it. I yelled in surprise, and a rope came in through the open window, tying me to the chair.
From his quiver, Michelle drew two arrows. One he twirled in his hand, and it transformed into a bow. The other he held up in front of his face- and licked the heart shaped tip.
“Ew,” I said. “Why did you lick it?”
“So it works, dummy. Cupid saliva is essential to the match-making process.”
He fitted the arrow to the bow and aimed at me. “Just hold still, and it will all be over in a second.”
I threw myself forward, tipping the chair, just as Michelle loosed the arrow. It sailed over my head and out the window. I heard a muffled yell, and inched over-still tied to my chair- to see who it had hit.
Across the road, lying on his front lawn with an arrow sticking out of his chest, was the most annoying kid in the neighborhood- Toby Schmucks.
“Oh, poop,” I said.

Keep Reading

Chapter 2

Love makes fools of us all- and apparently, zombies?

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