You Said You Would Always protect Me, Mom
My Guardian Angel
You were my guardian angel.
The one to hold me close when the nightmares raced towards me.
You gave me hope when you smiled,
the courage to stand up and try again.
I can’t stand up now.
I can’t face the world outside.
You were the light.
But now
the darkness surrounds me.
Some nights I can’t breathe.
I miss you so much.
I cry out to you in my thoughts.
I beg for God to let you come back.
I pray that all of this could be reversed.
But I know it can’t.
I know that God has a plan.
I can’t deny what is His.
But I can’t just abandon the memories of you.
I want to be with you again,
I need your laugh and your love.
You are my shield,
my shelter.
You protected me when all else failed.
You were there when I couldn’t hold it back.
You were there when the tears wouldn’t stop.
I look back, and you’re not there.
Your comforting presence isn’t there anymore.
You’re gone.
That’s all I can think right now.
You’re gone,
and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I miss you.
I miss you so much.
You pushed me on swings,
and helped me build sand castles.
You encouraged me to imagine a world where we could live happily ever after.
You told me to follow my dreams,
and I won’t let you down, Mom.
You were the one
who rocked me back and forth when a storm raced outside.
Now,
I let the rain wash down face,
trying to remember you arms around me.
Where are you?
I cry.
Why did you have to leave?
You told me to hold on.
You told me that the tears will always fade away.
You told me to trust in God.
I’m trying to hold on, Mom.
I’m trying desperately to dry the tears.
I’m trying to trust in God.
But I have to ask,
Why?
Why did this happen?
You told me that you would protect me,
and I want to believe you.
I want to give away this burden on my shoulders.
I just want to see you again.
I know I have to move on.
I can’t live with tears in my eyes.
But I won’t forget you.
And now, I can only hear you voice in my head,
“Honey, life will never treat you right.
It will drag you down
and try to break you.
At one point, you will realize that life
wasn’t at all what you thought.
It isn’t adventures and good things.
Life is filled with darkness and tears.
But life isn’t the only thing surrounding you.
Life isn’t the only thing that you have inside of you.
We have family and friends.
We have love.
And whenever the darkness seems to push you down,
further than you can survive,
you are never alone.
There will be light and love that will reach down.
Take them,
and hold on.
Just hold on.”
And I won’t forget that.
You are my guardian angel.
Mom, I will love you forever.
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