A book for non-readers
Tess’s Guide To Not Reading
Hypothesis One
I assume you are here for one thing. To learn how to stop reading. How to get out of it. Well guess what. I’m going to find a way to never read! I know you are pushing yourselves to read this just to figure out the secret. Well, this is my guide to not reading. Yup, I’m Tess. The Tess that wrote this guide to help you with your problem with reading.
Hypothesis one is very simple. Never pick up a book! If you never pick up a book, why should you have to read!
Well, I tried step one. Did not work. Did you know there is this place called the library? So here is what happened...
I walked into the class room. Okay, skateboarded is more like it. I plopped down into my seat, when my snotty, mean teacher said;
“Okay class, we are going to start the day with silent reading.” My jaw dropped to the floor. Like seriously. Reading? A book? So I decided to try hypothesis one.
“I don’t have a book Ms. Greer” I said. Everyone shushed me but I ignored them.
“Well then Tess, why don’t you go to the school library and get a book” Ms. Greer shot back. Are you kidding me? No. Not happening. No books here! Tess is a book free zone!
“Tess honey, I said go down to the library and get a book” Ms. Greer said. I sighed and got out of my seat and trudged to the library. Of course, never being to the library also means not knowing how to navigate it.
Finally, after several kindergarten songs later, I found the library. I never thought it would come to this. I opened the door, and the smell of old, moldy books hit me.
“Ew!” I said, a little too loud. A bunch of people shushed me. What is with these people and the shushing?
I went up to the...what do you call the library workers? Oh yeah! Book ladies! I think...
“Excuse me miss book lady” I said. “I need a book. My teacher is forcing me to read and I hate reading.” The book lady just stared at me. Then she seemed to remember something.
“Well, here is a book” she said, shoving a book into my hands. Wow, book ladies are really grumpy. I walked as slow as possible out of the book room... No library... And back to class.
“Ah, Tess, your here! Your just in time for extra reading time!” Ms. Greer said. Your kidding me. What the heck is extra reading time? Why do I have to suffer? What did I do wrong?
Is at down in my seat and came up with an impossible plan to beat! It will have to work! I know it! Because I am Tess, determined to find a way not to read!
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